Father & Daughter

I have been in a meeting all week and got to spend sometime at my parents house without the kids. My father and I have weird relationship....lets just say we have a failure to communicate. The truth is I have wanted and needed this man to love and respect me...understand he has many reasons to think of me as a disappointment. The choices that I made in my 20's and 30's were not my finest moments. I have regret for the pain I caused my parents, but my journey brought me to Chris and my children. My father has not been in the best health and this is freaking me out. The fear of not gaining my fathers approval brings this angry little girl to the surface. My father always came to my rescue when my choices went our of control. He is a complex man with deep beliefs and convictions that have been out of my reach as his daughter. It has occurred to me that time is precious and I don't want to have more regret. I have asked Dad to meet me in LA on my return from China with the hope of creating memories that have happier endings. I know this post is DEPRESSING...for all your fathers, remember your daughters never stop needing you.

Recycling...

With all the paperwork we have done it just can't be good for the environment. My carbon foot print looks like Big Foot. I had a three hour conference call with our agency to discuss the next wave of paperwork. I started the call with a feeling of excitement and finished with knots in my stomach. With me traveling alone we have extra stuff that must be complete ASAP to have a prayer of leaving in April. China in the summer is the hottest place I have ever been...an I have been to Africa ....and live the DEEP South. I just want my son home and in his bed. Please keep him in your prayers.

My Other Man..

Thomas McConnell has the best smile in the world with chubby cheeks and dimples. He is my snuggle bunny and has been Momma's boy from day one. The first few hours with Tommy were typical he was scared and mad all rolled in a pint sized package. I remember getting down on the floor with him and looking him straight in the eyes and whispering...you are my son and whatever you throw at me will never make me stop loving you! The grieving didn't stop but the trust between us started that night. Tommy got his giggle box turned on (my nick name growing up was giggle box) and laughed for an hour, Chris went in the other room to sleep on the floor. I can be in another room and hear that laugh and a smile comes across my face and my heart is lightened. Tommy and I had a special day Wednesday...Mommy & Tommy Date!!!! We discussed for days what we would do.. a picnic and the park. Macaroni, chicken and juice were on the menu and Wilshire Park was the place. All the years dreaming about being a mother never came close to the LOVE that I have for this child. My heart aches knowing he will face many hardships with his speech and not fitting into the mold the world had designed. My Children have been placed in my care....God has got my back??

THANKFUL

I can’t stop praying for this sweet boy, who has been given the name “Adam” by the agency who has his file. He reminds me SO MUCH of my sweet girl! I do look at many agency-only listings of their waiting children, and I saw him here months ago. I can’t help but notice his beautiful, wide smile. He has a special donor who is hoping to help his family find him! Please go HERE to read more about “Adam”, scroll down and he is the next to last child listed. He is also the same age as our Li’l Miss. Please pray with me that his family can find him soon.

The LOA Dance....

LOA...LOA...LOA...LOA..LOA..LOA...LOA.....Come on TA.

Is this LABOR????

I can't think clearly about anything but LOA...Letter of Acceptance. Two things you can count on when adopting...1- Lot of Paperwork 2- You are going to WAIT...WAIT..and WAIT some more. not sure what labor is like but this stage of adoption is painful and make you crazy. I keep telling myself this our third time and it should be easier but each adoption has been it's own unique journey. Ian's story is very different because of the first family that did not complete the process. The problem is the Ian has been looking out the windwon waiting for that family for over three years and now is told we are going to be that family. The PAIN is that he has been adandoned twice and what he must be thinking about adults and their actions. Chris and I know that love and lot of patience will be beeded to Ian the time to trust we will be his forever family. The other thing that is very different this time - Chirs will be staying home and I will travel alone. We have discussed this over and over...Shy Guys concerns...I can't see the board at the airport...remedy will be wear my glasses. Can't carry all the suit cases...my remedy....pack less. STINK at paperwork....I will have to work on that one. Traveling alone doesn't worry me much as a 4yr old throwing a fit in the middle of China or having a meltdown on a 13 + hour flight. The one thing that I can count on is GOD HAS GOT MY BACK!!!!!!!!!!!