TICK

Yes, we are waiting again. For what you ask?? Travel Approval or TA and our Consultant Appointment or CA.....YEAH!!!!!!!!!! It's hard wrapping my brain around my son being home for his 5th birthday. I started a packing spread sheet.....yes, a spread sheet a few months back and it doesn't work any longer. The weather in April or May is going to be VERY HOT!!! I started with long sleeves and need tank top and linen now....why do we always travel in the summer??

PHOTO

I read some very sad news last night from a blog friend. Ms. C had received a child's file with photo and was in the process of reviewing the information....then was called and informed the child could no longer be considered for adoption. This could mean one or two things.....the child had become very ill or had passed away. The thought of a child dying without ever knowing the love of family breaks my heart. We adopting parents fall in love with a photograph first and then the long journey begins to build a relationship. You could compare it to a sonogram without the physical connection. I don't understand why people find adoption love so strange.....do you love your husband or wife less than your siblings or extended family?? Why is so hard to expect love of photograph of a child you have never met as powerful and binding? The last nine months have physically hurt me at times and emotionally brought me to my knees. I pray every minute of every day for all my children....the same as any other Mother. Please, pray for the child in the photograph and the family that grieves her passing.

IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING....

My Dad is in the hospital with a broken leg! He had a blower on his back, became dizzy and fell. I had Deja Vu of when I was sent to stay with my uncle in Hawaii for the summer at age eleven. The day of my return, my father fell off the roof during a storm cleaning the gutters. When we finally found him he was screaming at me to get help. I FROZE!! He never forgave me. That summer he unleashed his disappointment and destroyed whatever trust we had. I never felt safe again in my parents' house. Weird....how one day can change you forever. The drive to the hospital was spent mad at my husband. Why? He didn't answer his phone. It wasn't that he didn't pick up the phone, he left me to face the crazy alone. I stayed with my mother and helped in all the ways a daughter should.....but the rage. Dad wanted to be in control and he let me know it......his is no longer in control. He can no longer walk on his own or drive. Is the lack of control what makes him crazy? I stood in the emergency room and tried to make jokes and make this man happy. What? yes, happy...............

ARTICLE 5 ......Done

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL

How many of you remember the movie "MASK" with Cher??? The scene where they are in the fun house and the son looks in the weird mirror and looks like a typical kid. I have the same mirror but it makes me look 30 not 47. It's hard for me to wrap my brain around being so close to 50...YIKES!!!! In my twenties the best word to describe me was SKINNY, now not so much. I have always been a blue jean girl so my style is not that different from my early years.......just the size!!! I look in that crazy mirror and see a more confident person that has changed her priorities but where has time gone? My mother's side of the family has longevity and one of my great aunts lived to 99 and looked fabulous. My Mom- Robby McLendon...AKA NiNi is radiant and still makes my father swoon. I just saying when your favorite music is played on the oldie station and you drive a mini van and wear glasses.....your youth has passed and middle age has happened. I want to give thanks to Ms. Clairol and Ms. Lancome for helping me not go quietly into old age.

Restored Faith .......

I just had to share this post from a waiting mothers blog...



This is for all you dog lovers out there. Warning get a Kleenex!

This is one of the kindest things you may ever see..

It is not known who replied, but there is a beautiful soul working in the dead letter office of the US postal service.




Our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey.. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could so she dictated these words:

Dear God,
Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick.
I hope you will play with her.. She likes to play with balls and to swim. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her You will know that she is my dog. I really miss her.
Love, Meredith

We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it.. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had.

Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, 'To Meredith' in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, 'When a Pet Dies..' Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey &Meredith and this note:


Dear Meredith,
Abbey arrived safely in heaven.
Having the picture was a big help. I recognized Abbey right away.
Abbey isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in, so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by..
Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you.
I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much.
By the way, I'm easy to find, I am wherever there is love.

Love,
God

Mother...Mom...Mum...Mommy.......

We had the privilege of meeting the most incredible you woman at Hand in Hand. Her name is Melissa and she is a Korean adoptee that has found her birth family. Listening to her journey to find her place in this world brought up all find of fears for my own daughter. I have said the before, my children saved my life not the other way around. I was shallow with no purpose or direction the God placed these beautiful children in my care and ROCKED my world. Melissa spoke about the racism she faced in her own family (both families)....not belonging to either cultures or being lost for self. Typing this is very difficult, no mother wants her child to feel such pain or loss...tears are flowing just knowing that my daughter could face the same journey. What can I do to make this less painful....NOTHING!! I want to stand in her stead and take this all from her and fill in the blanks with love. I can't. This is not my job...my job is to give her tools and support. I can remember my own mother telling me if she could only take the pain away she would. This strong young woman bared herself to us so that we will do better than those that adopted before us. I don't want my daughter or sons to feel they have to choose between China Parents or American Parents. I would like some day to have the privilege of knowing them. Melissa found that she was not abandoned but her birth mother relinquished her rights...in other words she gave her up for adoption. I now think we will not tell McKenna she will have NO hope but the odds are not in her favor. I didn't sleep at all thinking that maybe her story is not what we have been told but something very different. I learned last night that love is just not enough for my girl....so this is my promise to Keen-that wherever this leads God and I will walk each step with her.......God Bless You Melissa

McKenna's Big Adventure

With travel to China getting so close I have started spending alone time with the kids. When we returned home with Tommy his sister was VERY mad at Mommy. Now she tells me how afraid that we would not return, it took months for the trust to return. We have girl time about once a week. Most of the time we just talk and snuggle and it seems to really help her communicate what is going on inside her heart and head. I have finally started the China Mommy conversations. I'm so thankful for both on my kids birth parents for making the difficult choices. Somewhere in China is a woman that must be a lot like me......nature or nurture...my daughter is just like me!! We had our big day Saturday and it started with getting our nails done. I now have matching HOT PINK toes and McKenna has blue with flowers. We went shopping and lunch and came home and snuggled and watched Cat in the Hat...Let's just say.....HATED IT!! Where has the time gone, she will turn 6 on July 4th and it seems just a few moments have passed. I love this girl, she rocks in every way....she loves to sing and dance and play outside with her brother. I have one prayer for my beautiful daughter, that she will overcome the hours of terror she experienced and become a strong confident women. When people say things like she was just a baby she can't remember...THEY ARE SO WRONG. My daughter is one of the strongest people I know....she is a pure joy but she has a dark place that only time can heal. I pray every day to be a loving and strong Mother.....my kids make it very easy.

Little Man Update