Mother...Mom...Mum...Mommy.......

We had the privilege of meeting the most incredible you woman at Hand in Hand. Her name is Melissa and she is a Korean adoptee that has found her birth family. Listening to her journey to find her place in this world brought up all find of fears for my own daughter. I have said the before, my children saved my life not the other way around. I was shallow with no purpose or direction the God placed these beautiful children in my care and ROCKED my world. Melissa spoke about the racism she faced in her own family (both families)....not belonging to either cultures or being lost for self. Typing this is very difficult, no mother wants her child to feel such pain or loss...tears are flowing just knowing that my daughter could face the same journey. What can I do to make this less painful....NOTHING!! I want to stand in her stead and take this all from her and fill in the blanks with love. I can't. This is not my job...my job is to give her tools and support. I can remember my own mother telling me if she could only take the pain away she would. This strong young woman bared herself to us so that we will do better than those that adopted before us. I don't want my daughter or sons to feel they have to choose between China Parents or American Parents. I would like some day to have the privilege of knowing them. Melissa found that she was not abandoned but her birth mother relinquished her rights...in other words she gave her up for adoption. I now think we will not tell McKenna she will have NO hope but the odds are not in her favor. I didn't sleep at all thinking that maybe her story is not what we have been told but something very different. I learned last night that love is just not enough for my girl....so this is my promise to Keen-that wherever this leads God and I will walk each step with her.......God Bless You Melissa

McKenna's Big Adventure

With travel to China getting so close I have started spending alone time with the kids. When we returned home with Tommy his sister was VERY mad at Mommy. Now she tells me how afraid that we would not return, it took months for the trust to return. We have girl time about once a week. Most of the time we just talk and snuggle and it seems to really help her communicate what is going on inside her heart and head. I have finally started the China Mommy conversations. I'm so thankful for both on my kids birth parents for making the difficult choices. Somewhere in China is a woman that must be a lot like me......nature or nurture...my daughter is just like me!! We had our big day Saturday and it started with getting our nails done. I now have matching HOT PINK toes and McKenna has blue with flowers. We went shopping and lunch and came home and snuggled and watched Cat in the Hat...Let's just say.....HATED IT!! Where has the time gone, she will turn 6 on July 4th and it seems just a few moments have passed. I love this girl, she rocks in every way....she loves to sing and dance and play outside with her brother. I have one prayer for my beautiful daughter, that she will overcome the hours of terror she experienced and become a strong confident women. When people say things like she was just a baby she can't remember...THEY ARE SO WRONG. My daughter is one of the strongest people I know....she is a pure joy but she has a dark place that only time can heal. I pray every day to be a loving and strong Mother.....my kids make it very easy.

Little Man Update

SOUL SISTA

We have been so fortunate in our journey to parenthood; we have life long friends from each adoption. The Cook and Bickley families from 2005, the Sakryd and Arail families from 2007. We all have shared the moment we touched our children for the first time and trails that come with the first few days....resulting in an everlasting connection and friendship. We also have friends that we met the day of orientation at CCAI that are still waiting to bring home Lacey. In the world of adoption you meet many women that have unspoken strength and passion for orphaned children..but my friend Becky is one of the strongest in the group! I am so ashamed for complaining about our 1 year total wait for my sons when she has been waiting for more that three years. There has been times when she has shown fear and maybe disbelief that she will ever hold her daughter, but not often. We have spent many hours day dreaming together about the special moments in our futures. What will Lacey's personality be and will she be a girly girl or shy? You know all the things we waiting Mothers ponder. She supported me when everyone thought I was nuts for knowing Dang Zhi Kang was my son and would be part of the Davis Tribe. She is one loving mother to her Jacob (McKenna and Tommy's best buddy), she nevers backs down from the road blocks in front of her son......and it shows!! Her husband is on of Chris's best friends they can hang out for hours, they are a lot alike. We are on lucky family for having such supportive and fun friends.

1 Monkey.....2 Chicks

What a wonderful weekend we had with CNY and Valentines Sunday. We started the day off visiting our friend's church, wonderful message- Angie and I prayed for our children on the other side of the planet, We met the Dinn family a few months after they returned from China with Josh....Stinkin Cute!!!! About the same time we started the paper chased for Ian they Found Joy...from her pictures a perfect name!! We have been on this journey together and hope to travel the same time. I don't think Angie knows how much her friendship has made the wait easier. After church we all went down to China Town for the wonderful New Years Celebration . I loved watching McKenna make new friends holding hands and riding with Faith and Grace. I noticed one really cool thing our kids got to see Adopted Families and Chinese Families at the celebration. This may sound weird but or kiddos are with mixed cultures and families. We are looking for more events like CNY to give them exposure to their heritage.

Update on the Zhi Kang's adoption, we have received I800 approval and are WAITING again on the Travel Approval. The Chinese Trade Show starts the 2nd week of April and hotel and airfare costs increase, this could have me traveling the first week in May. I have emailed a few hotels to see if they have any available rooms in April....the answer is yes but they will not give prices. I am so ready to bring my little man home and get to know him.......10 THINGS...We want to know about Ian.

1- Is he shy?
2- Does he like to laugh?
3- Will he like Mexican food? This is a big one for Mommy!
4- Does he have a temper like Tommy?
5- Is he going to like having a Big Dog?
6- Will he let McKenna boss his around....we hope not!
7- Is he an outside kind of kid?
8- Will he like being hugged and kissed all the time? we will give this time?
9- Does he like to share?
10- Is he a heavy sleeper or light?

We are getting so excited that he will be home for his 5th birthday and all the other first big events.

HAPPY NEW YEAR......

Father & Daughter

I have been in a meeting all week and got to spend sometime at my parents house without the kids. My father and I have weird relationship....lets just say we have a failure to communicate. The truth is I have wanted and needed this man to love and respect me...understand he has many reasons to think of me as a disappointment. The choices that I made in my 20's and 30's were not my finest moments. I have regret for the pain I caused my parents, but my journey brought me to Chris and my children. My father has not been in the best health and this is freaking me out. The fear of not gaining my fathers approval brings this angry little girl to the surface. My father always came to my rescue when my choices went our of control. He is a complex man with deep beliefs and convictions that have been out of my reach as his daughter. It has occurred to me that time is precious and I don't want to have more regret. I have asked Dad to meet me in LA on my return from China with the hope of creating memories that have happier endings. I know this post is DEPRESSING...for all your fathers, remember your daughters never stop needing you.